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This is my first MiSTing, so please bear with me. Anyway, a little explanation of the characters are in order. Hyjnx is my online alter-ego. So, she's me, really. Claire and Gryphon are both characters in a horrible X-Men fic I wrote almost five years ago now, which was later MiSTed. (if for some bizarre reason, you want to read it, let me know). Basically, all you need to know about them is that Claire is a clone and Gryphon in an ex-evil henchman.
And now, on with the MiST
(Three figures are seen huddling around a computer, two female and one male. The shorter woman, Hyjnx, is fairly ordinary looking, while the other girl, Claire, sports hair in shades of pastel pink and blue, and the man, Gryphon, has white hair and violet eyes.)
Claire: What are we doing here again?
Hyjnx: I told you. It’s pay back for The Fic
Gryphon shutters That’s not fair! We already got MiSTed!
Hyjnx: Just shut up and read. It can’t be that bad....
Gryphon: We’re going to die, aren’t we?
>BATTLE OF THE MILLENIUM
Claire: Millennium-um-um. Live on Pay-Per-View only! Order now!
Gryphon: No more WWF for you.
>This is my year 2000 project, and wow, it was such a rush to get it done in time for Christmas
Hyjnx: That I did an extra cruddy job, just for you!
Claire: That’s not nice.
Hyjnx: The man calls himself Backslash.
Claire: Point.
>And the new year! Special thanks goes out to my family for coming up with the original idea.
Gryphon: Ten bucks it’s a cheap rip-off.
Hyjnx: Only an idiot would take that bet.
Claire: Deal!
Hyjnx: Nice to see the MiST didn’t remove all your naiveté
>It was a lot
Gryphon: Of pointless gibberish...
>of fun to write, even though it took a very long time.
Claire: But you just said you had to rush to finish!
Hyjnx: Don’t even...
Claire: But! He said!
>I don't know if you can print this out, but feel free to do so.
Gryphon: Print? Why???
Hyjnx: To use as a torture device?
Claire: ...you wouldn’t!
Hyjnx: You’re right. Even *I’m* not that evil. Besides, it would probably make my printer spontaneously combust.
>So sit back, grab a snack, and enjoy the fanfic of the millenium!
Claire: Because it’s a sure sign of the coming apocalypse.
Gryphon: I *knew* it! We’re all gonna die.
Hyjnx: Rolling eyes No more Beast Wars for you...
> THE ADVENTURE BEGINS.....
Gryphon: Captain’s Log: Star Date 45261...
>It's Christmas Eve and it's a time for celebration at the Guardian Accademy. Christmas carol music >was playing in the background as all the Guardians gathered in the Great Hall.
Claire: monotone Warning, incoming Tense Shift. Warning...
Hyjnx: Christ on crutches! We’re only two sentences in!
Gryphon: I repeat-
Claire: Don’t say it.
>The spot lights are turned on and focused on the center of the stage. Bob emerged through a siver portal >bubble in his shining armour and reported,
Gryphon: Bob: The end is upon us!
Hyjnx: Bob: I’m not wearing underwear!
Claire: Bob: I’m Daemon’s secret love slave!
Hyjnx & Gryphon: Eeeeeeeeew.
Claire: What? WHAT?!?
>"Fellow Guardians of the Academy, thanks to everybody's effort this entire year in eliminating all
Claire: Bob: Those pesky telemarketers. Lets see anyone *dare* try to sell the Collective aluminum siding now!
>traces of the Y2K bug in every system that is conected by the Net, I am proud to report that the last >trace of the bug has been found in a remote system in the North Pole. The last of the Y2K bug is just >about to be deleted before our very own eyes.
Hyjnx: Blink The North Pole? You mean Santa isn’t Y2K compliant?
Gryphon: Yeah...he replaced all the elves with Microsoft software.
Claire: The humanity!
>"As we imput our neutralization code into this portal, all the Net's systems will be declared free of the >millenium bug."
Hyjnx: I predict something will go horribly wrong and force Bob to go save the day.
Claire: Doesn’t he always?
Gryphon: Unfortunately. Come to the Dark Side, Bob!
>The lights of the Great Hall dimmed as Bob stretched out his hand.
Gryphon: Bob: Pull my finger.
>Forward flies a red target cursor rocket into the silver portal bubble. The silver portal bubble shows a >snowing scene in the middle of which is a humble-looking log cabin.
Claire: Again with the tense shifting!!!
Hyjnx: There, there. I Think you’d better just let it go.
>The red cursor zooms closer to the entrance of the cabin with an >old-fasioned mailbox bearing the letters "Nicolas' Lodge".
Gryphon: Wait a second here. Where is this red cursor? It’s zooming around the North Pole? Someone shoot it down!
Claire: I think it might be on the *image* of the North Pole.
Hyjnx: Don’t make excuses for it!!!
Claire: Sorry!!
>Silver bell sounds and reindeer with a sleigh fly past the letterbox and are stopped in front of the >cabin. The red target cursor zooms past the reindeer and stopped at the sleigh.
Gryphon: Okay, at this point, we’ve abandoned *all* attempts at correct sentence structure.
Hyjnx: My inner English student is screaming “Kill! Kill! Kill!!!”
>The red target cursor zooms up at the control panel of the sleigh. The screen on the panel shows:
Hyjnx: The Home Shopping Network. What, you think Santa actually builds that stuff?
Gryphon: No...I think those are nude pictures of Mrs. Clause
Claire: I’m blind!!!
> DATE: 12-24-99
Hyjnx: We’ve been reading this fic now for two weeks without sign of rescue...
>Letter by letter a message scrolled onto the screen. there were three colums - lablled "Name of child", >"Child's wish" and "Actual delivery". A huge list of children's names and their christmas wishes were >listed below.
Claire: Captain! We’ve lost spelling and punctuation!
Gryphon: We’re going to die!!!!!!!!!
Hyjnx: hitting Gryphon upside the head Will you *stop* that?
>The red target cursor zooms in on the line > DATE : 12-24-99
Claire: Yes, we know it’s Christmas Eve. You’ve pointed that out *twice* now...
Hyjnx: Well, if the rest of this fic is any indication, this guy must think we’re utter idiots.
>The target cursor locked onto the line and at a click sound highlighted the whole line into a back strip >with white characters. The target zoomed in on the number 99 closer, closer and closer until it >dissolves into the system within with the red target cursor signal travelling down the maze of >computer chip paths.
Gryphon: Dazed Is it me, or was that completely unnecessary?
Hyjnx: I’m not even sure what it said...
>As the cursor zoomed closer, the circut lines began to look like huge cables. Now little blue sparks >were able to be seen. These were the codes that were going to cause the Y2K glitch. The target >turned orange-yellow as it locked onto one of these sparks. In a blink of an eye, a golden beam shot >out of the center of the cursor, deleting the problematic element. Quickly, the cursor moved to the >next spark, and the next, and the next, till all the sparks in the row were gone. Then, it moved to the >next line, repeating the proceedure.
Claire: What exactly does this have to do with ReBoot?
Hyjnx: If Bob hadn’t appeared at the beginning, I’d say nothing.
Gryphon: So this is really just senseless dribble with ReBoot characters inserted at random?
Hyjnx: At least it’s not a self insert. All shutter
>After what seemed like forever,
Claire: The horrible fic from hell was over. Yay!!!!
Hyjnx: We *wish.*
>the cursor finally reached the last section of code. Everyone held their breath as the cursor did its work, all >of them worrying something would go wrong at the last nanosecond.
Gryphon: muttering Which it will, because Bob needs to be a hero...
Hyjnx: You’re just bitter.
Gryphon: I was a second rate villain. I’m *allowed* to hate the heroes.
<p>>All those gathered watched anxiously as the blue spark zigzagged back and forth, trying >for all it was worth to throw the target cursor off it's trail. Its effort went unrewarded as the golden >beam found its mark.Claire: Die, spark, die!! The other two stare at her What?
Hyjnx: It worked?
Claire: But...Bob! He needs to save the day...
Gryphon: *Enzo* is in this fic?? And what does he mean by ‘we’? The cursor did all the work!
>As if to congratulate them, the system's "Voice of Doom" intoned,
Grypnon: Dr. Doom: Curse you, Reed Richards!!!!Hyjnx: You do realize no one’s going to get that.
Gryphon: And I care *why*?
>"Attention - incoming E-Mail!"
Claire: muttering Probably spam. Bastards.
<p>>The sky of the Supercomputer turned from its usual dark blue to a bright golden-orange. Everyone >outside the Great Hall gasped in awe and wonder as a translucent golden rectangle decended from the >sky. Even all the Guardians rushed out of the Great Hall to watch the rectangle hover above them.Hyjnx: Apparently, they don’t get much mail in the Supercomputer...
>It touched the ground ever so gently, hardly stirring even a single speck of dust. The front peeled away, >flying off into the sky, revealing a cheerful red background. A lively, carefree music filled the air as >the green-colored words "Congratulations! Merry Christmas to all!" scrolled out onto the background >and danced. Fireworks shot out of the card and exploded in the sky, showering the Supercomputer >skyscrapers with multicolored glitter. Everyone cheered loudly. Some sang their victory to the world, >some danced, others simply watched the dazzling display in the sky.
Claire: What just happened?
Hyjnx: E-Card.
>It was Bob who noticed something strange first. "Something's not right," he muttered. He felt a >downright bad feeling in his code. Something told him to look past the beauty of the fireworks and to >where the dying sparks fell. As the sparkes touched the skyscrapers, they turned into a black, sticky, >tarlike matter. Right before Bob's keen eyes, the ooze were merging together to form a bigger mass, >which was slowly engulfing the building!
Gryphon: And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you give your computer cigarettes.
<p>>A tentative tap on Bob's shoulder made the Guardian jump, startled. He turned around to see Matrix >staring at the rectangle in a mixture of horror and fear. His face had paled out by several shades of >white as if he'd seen a ghost.Hyjnx: blinking Wait. This is *Matrix*? Matrix would not be scared by a bunch of black goop. He’d shove Gun right up it’s- muffled
Claire: BSnP at work. Gotta love those censors.
>Bob felt confused. He had never seen Matrix this scared before.
Gryphon: That’s because he doesn’t *get* scared.
Claire: Now now. It’s all an attempt to make Bob look better. After all, the author claims to be his *son*...
>Bob forced his eyes to focus on the rectangle and felt the color drain from his vey own face too.
Hyjnx: Not just any face...his very *own* face!
Claire: Mike the TV: You too can have your very own FACE! Just 99.99.99
>The rectangle was crumbiling slowly, turning into the goopy, slick mess Bob had seen on the >skyscraper. By now, everyone had stopped celebrating and were backing away from the melting >shape in fear. What was even more terrifying was that the goop was moulding itself into a dark, yet >familiar figure. A figure that was, although altered somewhat, was still as menecing and frightful as it >had always been.
Claire: Oh my god! It’s Jerry Lewis!!!!!
> MEGABYTE!
Gryphon: Why do they all resurrect him? He was eaten! Let him be!!!!!!!!
Claire: I sense a bit of post traumatic stress here.
Gryphon: Oh, shut up, clone girl.
Hyjnx: wincing Low blow, Gryphon. Low blow.
<p>>The virus grinned evily as he surveyed the Supercomputer from his high perch atop a skyscraper. His >crimson-lined back cape billowed around him, flapping proudly in the wind like a Doomsday flag. At >last, his dream had come true! Infinite data and power, all at his disposal!Hyjnx: sighs Well, he’s done it now. Doesn’t Megs know capes are passe now?
Claire: Getting eaten by the web creature must not have done much for his IQ.
Gryphon: It certainly didn't help his wardrobe.
Hyjnx: ranting Boy? BOY? Lets see who you’re calling a boy when he tears you a new one, you tin plated- is wrestled to the ground by the others
Claire: At least he got his dialogue right.
> ********************
<p>>"You...you should have been deleted by the webcreature!" Screamed Matrix, trying to make his voice >sound defyant and angry but unable to diguse the fear in his voice. He wanted badly to whip his gun >out of its hoster and blow a couple of holes through Megabyte's chest, but he was parilized with shock.Gryphon: I get the feeling this guy doesn’t like Matrix much.
Claire: What tipped you off? The sickening mischaracterization, maybe?
>Megabyte turned to Matrix slowly and smirked. "I am afraid that point has been somewhat >exaggerated, boy. I am far from deleted. Thanks to you and your friends, I found a new world of >power . That Webcreature almost deleted me, but I managed to infect it instead. It was then I realized >that the Web had more powerthan I ever dreamed of." Megabyte paused breifly, letting his worlds >sink in.
Gryphon: Matrix: Un-huh. Is that so? *Blam*
>"I soon adapted to the Web and became more powerful than ever. I am now a Web virus, able to >attatch onto different programs that would be downloaded by unsuspecting victims. You have found >me in my personal favorite - an E-mail. Now that I have escaped the ravages of the Web, the >Supercomputer and the rest of the Net shall feel my power!"
Hyjnx: Typical villain. Always running off at the mouth.
Gryphon: I resent that remark!
Claire: Megabyte: Well, since you asked so nicely...
>"I believe not!" Roared Megabyte. With a sweeping motion of his hand, the black ooze charged, >gaining speed every nanosecond, engulfing everything in its path. Someone in the crowd yelled "Run >for your lives!" and immediately everyone sprang into action, pushing and shoving their way through >the streets, each sprite for himself. Matrix managed to fire a couple of shots at the advancing bubbly >tar, only to realize that the bolts were swallowed up by the ooze. He, too, was forced to run for his >dear life. Amongst the terrified screams of sprites, Megabyte's evil laughter echoed above it all.
Gryphon: Megabyte: Feel the wrath of my ooze!!!!!
Claire: Okay, so now he’s ripping off ‘The Blob’?
Gryphon: That’ll be ten bucks, please.
> ********************
>Bob, Dot, AndrAIa, Mouse, Enzo, Matrix, Ray, Frisket and a pitiful number of sprites remained >uninfected.
Hyjnx: Oh, of course. The entire main cast survives while everyone else is infected.
Claire: Hey, there’s still a pitiful number of sprites free, too!
Gryphon: I think five’s a pretty pitiful number... the girls give him blank stares What? It is!
> They were still running, but the ooze had much too fast to outrun forever. They were now cornered at the >garbage center of the Supercomputer and the ooze was quickly trailing behind them. Bob's vision burred >and he tripped on something and fell, but Matrix grabbed him and set him back on his feet in the nick of >time. It seemed like it was all over for the brave sprites when suddenly, Dot screamed,
Claire: Dot: GET ME OUT OF THIS FIC!!!!!!
Hyjnx: Dot: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Gryphon: Wasn’t that just a little cliched?
>"EVERYONE!TRASH YOURSELVES!NOW!!"
Hyjnx: What?
Claire: Has she gone random?
>"What?!" Blurted Enzo. "Have you gone random?!"
Claire &Hyjnx: We just *asked* that!
<p>>Dot gave no verbal reply but grabbed Enzo and threw him into a blue trash can. Enzo fell into the >open can with a bone-jarring thump but made no effort to climb back out. Everyone else watched in >horror as the black, infectious ooze advanced towards Enzo.....Gryphon: It’s finally happened! He’s gotten so annoying Dot’s snapped!! That’s...kinda cool.
>....and passed completely by, ignoring Enzo. Or more correctly, the trash can he was in.
All Three: Damn!
>Everyone froze momentarily, unsure of what to do.
Claire: Mouse: Well, Ah guess we can all stand here and be deleted...
Hyjnx: Ah yes. Another example of how Bob is incredibly intelligent and Matrix is a big dumb rock.
Claire: What *do* you have against Bob?
Hyjnx: He trusted an evil supervillain! And got shot into the Web! It took Matrix to rescue him and finish what Bob should have done ages ago! Excuse me if I find the characterization a little... off.
> Very soon, everyone was >running for the trash cans, slamming the lids down over their heads. Just as the last lid was slammed >shut, the ooze came rushing by. The ooze shuddered to a halt in front of the nearest garbage can, >suspicious of its contents. The ooze reared off the ground and cautiously peeked into the can.
Claire: Ooze: My my, what *do* we have here? Mainframers in a can!
Gryphon: Okay, seriously, this is *the* worst plot device. EVER.
Hyjnx: Let me get this straight ...a building offers no protection, but a trash can is an impenetrable fortress...
Claire: And Dot knew this?
>A green null shot out of the can and into the ooze's "face", causing it to recoil in disgust.
Gryphon: The ooze is afraid of garbage cans and nulls. Uh...my head hurts.
> As the null scurried out of the can and hurried down the alleyway, the ooze seemed to shudder and make >a sound that the closest translation to would be "Yeeck!" And oozed past the trash can in a hurry.
Gryphon: Okay. When the ooze gets sub-titles, you know the end is near.
Claire: glances at sidebar We’re not even half way through, dear.
Gryphon: !@#%$
>Silence, as heavy as gravity's pull itself, hung in the air.
Hyjnx: In exactly the way bricks don’t.
Gyphon: Bob: Exactly *what* are Mouse and Ray doing in that can?
Claire: Dot: Maybe they’ve been reading the Kama Sutra?
Hyjnx: faceplam Thanks for the mental image.
Claire: Says the woman who made Dot and Mouse lesbians.
Hyjnx: It was artistic expression!
>Suddenly, one of the trash can's lid popped off
Claire: See? I told you!
Gryphon: That’s...too easy.
Hyjnx: See! I told you... he doesn't even know how to use a garbage can!
He turned to Dot, who was in her own trash can and asked,
Hyjnx: Bob: Why am I here?
Gryphon: Bob: What is the meaning of life anyway?
Claire: Bob What do you say we ditch these guys and have some *real* fun?
Hyjnx: You are just bound and determined to destroy everyone's illusions of Bob as the sweetest guy in the 'Net, aren't you?
Claire: He gives me cavities.
>"Now how did you know that the trash cans were immune from the virus?"
All three: Yes, Dot. Enlighten us.
<p>>"Well, it was actually a wild thought," confessed Dot timidly. " After hearing Megabyte's speech, I >figured he was only aming for the points of power in the system. And the only place where you >normally wouldn't find a powerful format would be-"Claire: Anywhere in the vicinity of this writer? He doesn’t even have *brain* power!!!
Hyjnx: A walrus
Gryphon: Training pink elephants.
Claire: Sleeping with Turbo.
Hyjnx & Gryphon: Claire!!!!
<p>>The distant rumbling of a far off vehicle cut Bob's sentence short. The three sprites ducked back into >their protective "shells", and a good thing too, because shortly after, a garbage truck hovered into >view.Gryphon: Truck Driver: Hello? Any sprites hiding from killer ooze in these trash cans here?
Hyjnx: Oh, time for comic relief. He’s going to dump them in the garbage truck.
Gryphon: What are the garbage trucks doing out when there’s a mad virus on the lose??
Claire: I sense a plot device.
>The robot puttered over to the nearest trash can. Its two arms extended and grabbed the sides of the >can, then lifted it up and above its head. It puttered back to the end of the truck and tipped the can >over, emptying the garbage and one startled sprite in the back. The robot didn't seem to notice the >extreamely live "garbage" it had deposited, despite the amazingly loud curse it hurled at the robot. It >continued its usual duty until all the cans and bins had been emptied. Then, it climbed back into the >driver's seat and drove off to the Data Dump, unaware of the extra load in the rear of the truck.
> ********************
Hyjnx: blink Wow...I think that paragraph actually made sense.
Gryphon: A pity it was so cliched.
Hyjnx: Because, naturally, dark, gloomy places are always ignored and neglected until the author needs them for a plot device.
Gryphon: Wasn't Santa supposed to be in this? I want Santa!
>It was probably ancient when compared to the rest of the system.
Claire: And had self-esteem problems as a result of the rest of the system continually making fun of it.
Gryphon: Ah yes. When in doubt, slap 'data' on the front of it, and pretend it's a ReBoot term!
<p>> Garbage littered the streets and the entire sector smelled strongly of old degrading data >and programs. The only sound was the heavy pounding of garbage processing machines and the >machenical whirr of the robots that operated them.Claire: Yeees...the dark and sinister Data Dump. Many sprites enter, but none return! Dun dun Duh!
<p>>The garbage truck puttered into the Data Dump and backed into the wall of one of the buildings. A >hatch opened in the wall, revealing a dark hole that lead to an uncertian destination. The garbage >compartment of the truck tilted at a 40 degree angle,Hyjnx: Not a 30 degree angle, not a 50 angle, but a *40* degree angle!
>tipping its contents down the chute, oblivious to the multiple yells and screams of surprise and fear.
Gryphon: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Claire: Aw...you only go t a 5.0 from the Russian judge. Better luck next time.
>Bob was bumped and bounced down the narrow chute, his scream echoed by those of his friends. All >at once the ground came rushing up on him. Bob landed heavily on his bitmap with a bone-jarring >impact that knocked all the air out of him. Dot fell flat on top of him and, to his misery, so did >everyone else.
Hyjnx: Pile on Bob!!!
Claire: Somehow, I doubt *Dot* minds....
>It took quite a while for everyone to untangle themselves from the jumbled sprite pile, each one >flexing his or her joints to ensure that they were all still in one piece. Finally, Bob stood up and looked >at the small group and his surroundings. They were in a small room with no windows or doors. The >floor was covered in garbage and slick liquid. The punget odor of decay nearly knocked him out flat. >"So," he finally said, "is everyone here?"
All: Unfortunately, Yes.
Hyjnx: No! Noooooooooo! He did *not* just do that! cowers in terror
Gryphon: And how long until we get the obligatory 'cameo appearance' line?
Claire:
covering eyes
Just tell me when it's over!> All the Mainframers gasped in terror.
Hyjnx: See? See? He's even scarier than Megabyte!
>"Mike!" Yelped Ray. "How did you get 'ere, mate? I didn't think we invited you to join us."
Claire: And finally, someone other than Bob, Dot or the Enzos gets a line.
Hyjnx: Ray knows Mike? Uh...okay...
>"Maybe he invites himself," Muttered AndrAIa under her breath.
Claire: Then pulled out her trident, and impaled the annoying appliance, thus ending everyone's torment.
>"The unthinkable has happened!" Rattled Mike annoyingly in his usual reporter's voice, >as if nobody knew. "Megabyte, the virus we thought was gone for good, has returned to wreck havoc in >the Supercomputer! He has spread a lethal corruption throughout the system that infects anything it >touches. He now controls the Supercomputer, a feat only Daemon has achieved! Our heroes have >survived many things, but will they pull through this one or be wiped off the face of the Net?? Oh, >this is TERRIBLE!!! What could possibily be worse?"
Hyjnx: Having to read the rest of this fic?
Claire: Having to read a sequel?
Gyphon: There's a sequel? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Claire: Calmness, my child.
Hyjnx: There better *not* be a sequel!
Gryphon: A null caught in a blender?
Claire: Uh...gross.
<p>>Another loud bang sounded, and the ear-splitting screech was repeated, this time accompanied by the >ground shaking underneath the sprites' feet, almost knocking Enzo off his feet. Frisket gave a yip of >surprise. Plasteel(a mixture of plastic and steel)Gryphon: Thank you *so* much for pointing that out.
Claire: Isn't Plasteel a ripped off Star Wars term?
Hyjnx: I think that's *Transper*steel. You know 'Transparent steel'?
Claire: Whatever.
>rained down on the heroes heads. Matrix braced himself against the wall to recover his balance and almost >fell over when he felt the wall move.
Gryphon: Uh, hello!!! Matrix? Seven feet tall and muscle bound? He doesn't fall over!
Hyjnx: gasping He didn't....he didn't!
Claire: Luke Skywalker: I already tried it! The door's magnetically sealed!
<p>>The blaster bolt rocketed off the wall at a 90 degree angle and howled mockingly around the room, >forcing everyone to dive for cover to avoid being shot. The blaster bolt howled around the room twice >before it extinguished itself in a puddle of sludge.Hyjnx: He did! He ripped off STAR WARS!
>AndrAIa tackled Matrix and yanked the gun out of his hands.
Hyjnx: Andi: You moron! You're going to get us deleted!
>"You IDIOT!!!" She screamed at him. "You're going to get us all killed!"
Hyjnx: Close enough.
<p>>Bob braced himself against the wall and pushed with all his might, but his effort was futile. Two >sprites hoisted a heavy steel pipe onto their shoulders and used it to wedge the walls apart. Dot and >Mouse followed in suit. Matrix helped.Gryphon: That was nice of him...
Claire: Ah yes. The Inverse Compactor Law. The stronger the material used to hold open encroaching walls, the faster it snaps like a twig.
Gryphon: So, logically, a wet cardboard tube would hold the walls apart indefinitely.
> Amongst the chaos, Enzo finally gave an espirated yell.
Hyjnx: Espirated? That's a word? Checks Didn't think so.
>"Aww, man! The only way we're gonna get out of this is as Supercomputer and Mainframe pancake!"
Hyjnx: And a messy pancake at that...
>"This is bad," declared Bob aloud. "VERY BAD!"
********************
Gryphon: Bob: I've already resorted to using my catch phrases!
>Less than a meter of life lay between the closing walls.
Claire: I thought you measured life in inches?
Gryphon: The Supercomputer uses the metric system.
<p>> Enzo had fallen sideways and was straining to keep his head above some sludge. He was sandwiched in >between two piles of junk. Bob was trying to pull Enzo out. Mouse was slashing away at the durasteel >walls with her kantana in hopes of carving a hole that would lead to an exit, but to no avail.Hyjnx: I think Mouse needs to re-negotiate her contract. She hasn't had a single line yet!
Gryphon: It's probably so he doesn't have to write her accent.
> Ray and AndrAIa had been forced to turn sideways and were facing each other.
Claire: Uh-oh. I sense trouble brewing.
Gryphon: What? Just because Matrix is insanely jealous and has a grudge against the Surfr?
Gryphon: Large chunks of metal failed to hold the walls apart, but Matrix can. Uh...okaaaay.
Hyjnx: Dot: Look! A convenient plot device!!!
>"The emergency panel! Somebody press it!"
Claire: Blinking And no one noticed this until they were almost flattened like cats on a highway?
Gryphon: There, there. It will all be over soon.
Hyjnx: Where *is* Santa? And what about Megabyte? The fic is almost over!
All: Not again!!!!!!
> Their sudden ride ended as abruptly as it had begun, resulting in another pile of entangled sprites on the >floor. A huge cloud of dust billowed up.
Claire: Mouse, coughing: Well, ain't this quaint.
<p>>"What a day," Coughed Enzo. " First we ran for our lives from this black medusa-bug thingy, get >garbaged, than almost came out as pancakes! We could've been deleted, end-file, OFF-LINE!! Isn't >that Alphanumeric? Can we do that again, huh?"All: NO!!!
>"NO!!!"Screamed a dozen choking voices back at him.
Claire: For once, we're in agreement!
<p>>After much coughing and sneezing and stretching their joints, the sprites finally picked up their >battered and bruised bodies off the ground. Nobody ventured forth to scout out their new >enviroment-it was pitch black.Hyjnx: musing Actually, Mouse and Ray both glow in the dark... they could use them as flashlights..
Claire: I thought Bob glowed in the dark too?
Hyjnx: Glitch-Bob does. I've yet to see any evidence that we've got the upgraded model in this fic, though, theoretically, we *should...*
Gryphon: I wonder what they're doing in the dark...
Claire: Gryphon!
>Matrix's robtic eye revolved once in its socket, then the red (\/) glowed >red as he turned on his nightvision.
Claire: I've always wondered if that tickles...
Gryphon: (\/)....That's sorta cool.
Hyjnx: Hands off the keyboard, lackey.
Claire: This is *under* the compactor? What happened to all the sludge that was in that thing?
Gryphon: Magic.
Gryphon: Bob: Well, there's nothing here. Think I'm going to go home now..."
>"You know, I'm kind of tired. I say it won't hurt if we all got some rest."
Hyjnx: Blinking But! There's an evil Virus on the lose! He's trying to take over the 'Net, and they're going to take a NAP?!?
>Everyone nodded wearily. Nobody had the strength to protest.
Claire: Funny, I'm feeling much the same way...
>After an amount of walking around, dusting furnature and lots more sneezing, everyone settled down for the >second, their fate lying uncertianly before them.
Claire: Mouse: So...who's up for some group sex?
Gryphon: You *are* aware that there's a child and a dog present.
Claire: Smiling sweetly Yup.
Hyjnx: You frighten me.
> ********************
>Time passed. Seconds, maybe cycles or even minutes, perhaps even an hour passed.
Hyjnx: Guys, I'm starting to get frightened....it doesn't sound like they're ever going to get out of this room...
Claire: wide eyed They're not....
>The sprites could not tell day or night from their windowless underground hideaway. Here in this room, time >had no meaning.
Gryphon: Much like the rest of this fic.
Hyjnx: But they apparently concluded that sitting in a dark hole without any sort of food or sanitary facilities was a 'good thing'.
>This meant little Enzo was allowed to run free
Gryphon: Little Enzo: Look at me! I'm naked! Naaaaaaaaaaaaaked!
Claire: singing: Born freeeee! Free as the wind!
Hyjnx: I thought that was pretty much his role in the show. Make trouble.
Claire: And keep everyone else from screwing like rabbits.
Gryphon: BAD mental image!!!!
>While the adult sprites tried hard to think of a plan, Enzo ran around the room, making the most >annoying noises while playing with old toys someone had trashed long ago-an old propeller areoplane, >a steam engine, a rusty non-flying car and a ping-pong paddle attached to a ball with a piece of string, >to name a few. Even Bob found it a challange to maintain his cool temper.
Claire: blinking I thought you said Enzo was ten or something?
Hyjnx: muttering He is, he is...
Gryphon: Someone should really tell Backslash that.
Claire: Ghost: Maaaaaaatrix....Maaaaaaatrix!
>If only we could find something to engulf the corruption!" AndrAIa cried in dispair.
Hyjnx: Well maybe if you stopped hiding in a hole in the ground...
Claire: Mouse: Hey, Ah got an idea...maybe if we..naw, never mind.
>The meeting was interrupted by an electronic music from playing form the far side of the room.
Hyjnx: It was playing Tapps.
Gryphon:
Dot:
Will you turn that basic Gameboy off?! <p>>Enzo, please turn that thing off!" Dot pleaded in an agitated voice. Her brother's distant whinny >voice replied nanoseconds later, saying, "Aww, sis, I was just getting to the good part! Just one more >millisecond, okay?"Hyjnx: Enzo:I'm on the last level of 'Gods, Mortals, and Demons'! I've almost got this silly little ninja beaten!
Claire: shutters No fair...you *know* I can't stand to watch Game Over...
Hyjnx: Dot: I told you not to play the ReBoot game anymore! I look hideous in those pants!
>A smile slowly spread across her face.
Gryphon: Enzo: Uh, Dot? Why are you looking at me? Dot? DOT?!? I'm sorry! I'll turn it off just don't *Urk* Gryphon flops over on the floor
Claire: I think the fic has finally destroyed his mind....
>"I have it!" She declared, so abruptly that everyone jumped in surprise.
Hyjnx: It?
Gryphon: What does she have?
Claire: smirking an STD.
Hyjnx & Gryphon: Arrrg!
>"I have a plan!" She handed the game to Mouse, who looked at it in a quizzical manner.
Claire: Uh, what's this thing do?
Gryphon: No Mouse bashing.
Hyjnx: Shh! I think she's going to get a line!!!
>"Pac-Man?!" She blurted. "That's a really old game, sugah! What have these little guys that eat ghosts to do >with our current crisis, anyway? Have ya gone off your rocker?"
Hyjnx: I think we'd all like to know the answer to that one...
>"Do you think these little guys can be reprogrammed to go after the corruption?" Dot asked Mouse.
Hyjnx: Mouse: Hell, no. Sugah, this is a GAME. Not real.
<p>>Realization hit Mouse like a sledgehammer. "Well, sugah, if ah could hack make the ooze appear as >"ghosts" to the Pac-Man babies, then maybe it'll work. But first, lemmie hack into the ooze's PID >code......Gryphon: The ooze has a PID?
Claire: Geeze. And to think Phong didn't want to give one to HEX! Who's the Command.Com in the Supercomputer, anyway? He needs to be shot.
> ********************
Hyjnx: Y'know, if ~* is an ASCII sperm...are those-
Gryphon: Don't finish that sentence.
Claire: Megabyte: Finally, I get some screen time in this fic!
>At last, his long-time dream had become a reality!
Hyjnx: He'd completed his Beenie Baby collection!
>He would go down in history as the first virus ever to succed in controlling the Supercomputer, second only >to the Supervirus, Daemon!
Claire: Damn that Daemon, hogging all the glory.
Hyjnx: Hey, watch it. That supervirus is a close personal friend!
Gryphon: You always were fond of power crazed psychopaths.
Hyjnx: You making fun of my friends? I can have them kick your ASCII.
>For generations, sprite and virus alike would shudder at his name.
Claire: Megabyte!
Gryphon: shutters Say it again.
Claire: Megabyte!
Hyjnx: Can we please skip the Lion King reenactment?
>Taking over the Supercomputer was so easy! In fact, it was too easy, easier than he had ever dreamt possible.
Claire: Megabyte: I never dreamt it would be so easy to take over the Supercomputer! Now I think I'll go re-shingle my roof!
>He had predicted this to be an agonizing task, yet here he was with barely any effort at all.
Gryphon: Yeah, you see that? That should have been your first clue that you're gonna get your ball bearing kicked.
Hyjnx: Megabyte: I don't want anyone to know I'm paranoid, so I'll order non-stop surveillance of the largest system in the entire 'Net!
<p>>Megabyte was interrupted rudely from his daydreaming by the thudding of heavy boots on the >concrete floor. He lifted his head to see an infected Guardian stumbling on his shaky legs into his throne room, clutching a small device in his hand.Hyjnx: crossing fingers Not Turbo...NotTurboNotTurboNotTurbo...
Gryphon: You know, your fixation with the Prime Guardian is really disturbing.
Hyjnx: Shut up!
Gryphon: Infected Guardian: Night Vision! Woo!!
Claire: Megabyte: I was just about to take a nice bubblebath!
Hyjnx: I think you're thinking Mega*tron,* Claire.
Claire: snapping fingers I always get the Meggys mixed up.
>Mercy, Lord M-M-M-Megabyte!" Stuttered the poor fellow, "Mercy!
Gryphon: That sounds vaguely familiar...
Hyjnx: You've probably said it before, lackey-boy.
Gryphon: I *never* groveled! Well...not often.
<p>> I-I-I was j-just doing my rounds, sir, when I stumbled on this suspicious device. I was just following your >orders, sir, so pleaseohpleaseohplease don't hurt me!" The sprite held out the device with a quaking hand to >the virus towering above him. Megabyte took it and inspected the object casually before throwing it at the >Guardian's feet.Claire: Megabyte: That's a Walkman, you fool!
Gryphon: Ha! That crunch was the sound of your impending doom!
Claire: Yup, he's lost it.
>"We're after the big guys," he continued, "not this silly toy. Don't waste my time."
Hyjnx: sputtering Please tell me that I read that wrong.
Claire: Nope, Meggy really did say 'big guys'
Gryphon: Uh...I've got a mental image that makes Guardian Lust look like Care Bears.
The girls just stare mutelyGryphon: I feel so dirty...
>Megabyte looked down at his feet. A thick, yellow liquid had oozed out of the broken device and had spread >out in a tiny puddle on the floor, in which in the middle was Megabyte's foot.
Claire: Megabyte: This is worse than the time I stepped in dog s-
Hyjnx: Clapping a hand over Claire's mouth Kids might be reading this!
Gryphon: I really hope not...they'll be scarred for life. I know *I* am.
<p>>Megabyte lifted his foot. His face distorted in disgust. "I simply hate this!" He growled, shaking his >foot in an effort to rid himself of the disgusting slime. The slime flew off his foot and landed on the >ground with a wet splat and moulded itself into a little round ball.Hyjnx: Slime: Hey! I have rights too! I'll contact the union!
Hyjnx: Goldfish
Gryphon: baby Scuzzy?
Claire: Flesh eating piranha
>PAC-BABY!
Hyjnx: What in the WEB is a Pac-baby?
Gryphon: Something cute and yellow which is now going to devour the evil nasty virus.
Hyjnx: In that case...I want one!
Claire: A Cute...
Hyjnx: blankly war-cry?
Gryphon: You should just give up your sanity now... it's sort of fun.
> In a reflex motion, the infected Guardian whipped out his
Claire: ...
Hyjnx: I swear, you say it, I KILL you. Or worse, sell you to Backslash.
Claire: I'll behave!
>blaster and pulled the trigger. The resounding bang set off the alarms, alerting all the infected Guardians, >who soon rushed to the scene. Each fired off a blaster shot of his/her own at the Pac-Baby, who was >bouncing around the room and tripping Guardians up.
Gryphon: Random infected Guardian: Yeehaw! Now this is what Ah call a good time!
>By pure chance, one of the bolts hit the Pac-Baby, who shuddered to a stop.
Claire: Pac-baby, gasping You got me! It's...stagers getting...dark....Mother! falls over
Hyjnx: looking down You're a lousy actress.
>The Guardians watched in horror as the Pac-Baby stretched and split into two separate Pac-Babies!
Gryphon: Am I the only one seeing the 'Painted Windows' Scuzzy here?
Hyjnx: Nope.
Claire: from floor *cough*ripoff*cough*
> The stunned Guardians kept shooting, too stupid to realize this only caused them to multiply.
Hyjnx: Man...Turbo really has to tighten up on admissions to the academy. These guys are thick as bricks!
>In ten nanoseconds flat, there were more Pac-Babies than anyone could hope to defeat. Megabyte slapped his >forehead.
Claire: Megabyte: D'oh!
>"You FOOLS! Must I do everything myself?!" Roared Megabyte.
Hyjnx: And that, I believe, was the Mainframe Strolling Players' Megabyte.
>With a whip of his cape, he sent of out a wave of black, infectious ooze spraying out all over the Pac-Babies.
Hyjnx: Y'know, it doesn't do much good to whip capes.
Claire: Besides, whipping minions is much more fun! whipcrack
Gryphon: Ow! Watch it!
Hyjnx: No! The poor Pac-babies!! Cries
Gryphon: There there. It'll be all right, you'll see!
Hyjnx: sniffling But they’re screaming!
Claire: This was Dot's plan. Have you ever known Dot to fail?
Hyjnx: Well, no...
> Truly, a really fierce battle was going on between the two!
Gryphon: There is just so much that is wrong with that sentence.
>Megabyte smiled his evil virus smile. "Feast well, my pet," He crooned to the black ooze. The black >ooze gave a grunt, as if having a bad case of indigestion.
Claire: First the ooze gets sub-titles, then it gets indigestion. What's next? A NAME?
>Bubbles began to enlarge in the ooze. Suddenly, a hole appeared in the ooze and out popped a Pac-Baby, >bigger than the original ones. Another popped out, and another, and another, all bigger than they used to be.
Hyjnx: Go Pac-babies!
Gryphon: You are *so* broken...
Hyjnx: They're dieing in there R2! Curse my mechanical body, I wasn't fast enough!
Gryphon: I think we've had enough Star Wars for one day, thank you very much.
>As they ate, they multiplied, and they swarmed all over the next Guardian, and the next, and the next. The >first Guardian looked down at himself as the last Pac-Baby lept away from him. He was not infected >anymore! He flexed his hands joyfully, clenched his right into a fist and thrust it into the air. "I'M >FREEEEE!!!" He declared loudly.
Claire: singing ....as the wind!
Hyjnx: No more naked sprites. The BSnP will hunt us down and beat us to death with pink fluffy pillows.
>Megabyte was no fool-he knew he was beaten.
Gryphon:
Megabyte:
I'm no fool! I know when I've been beaten!>He tore out of the room with all the speed he could muster with a pack of hungry Pac-Babies hot on his >heels. He felt absolutely humiliated!
Hyjnx: Megabyte: I'll never be able to show my face at school again!
Claire: Where's Santa?
Hyjnx: Claire, honey, there is no Santa. That was just a plot device that the author has conveniently forgotten.
> He threw
Hyjnx: himself off a cliff and died.
Gryphon: himself into the waiting arms of the Web Creature.
Claire: Himself down at Bob's feet and begged to be taken back.
Hyjnx: That's it! No more!!! pounces on Claire and duct tapes her mouth shut
>open the Principal Office doors and tore out onto the streets. The Pac-Babies spread out as soon as >they had left the building, munching rapidly at the black ooze covering everything, leaving behind the >bright, polished streets of the Supercomputer and the colourful skyscrapers in mint condition. They >swarmed over every rock and tree, cleared every nook and cranny, slowly undoing all the corruption >Megabyte had spread over the system.
Hyjnx: Pointing I think you missed a spot.
>Megabyte found himself cornered in an alleyway moments later, with the Pac-Babies advancing >slowly, licking their lips like a pack of hungry dogs.
Claire: MERPH!
Gryphon: Disturbingly, I can actually picture this...
Gryphon: And they could see right up his skirt!
Hyjnx: Don't *you* start.
Claire: Meerph.
>and the first to emerge from the dark sewer below was the trecherous Guardian, Bob!
Hyjnx: He's new, improved, and doubly treacherous!
Gryphon: Technically, to be treacherous, they would have had to have been on Meggy's side to begin with.
Hyjnx: Which they weren't.
Gryphon: Is it even worth pointing that out at this point?
Hyjnx: Probably not.
<p>>Bob stood firmly on his zipboard with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He couldn't help smiling >at Megabyte. "So, how do you like the taste of your own Antivirus for a change, Megabyte?" He >mocked.Gryphon: Bob: Yeah, take that you low density, basic as they come, totally random-
Hyjnx: I'm taking my tapes away. You're starting to sound like Enzo.
>"YOU! I had you infected! Nobody escapes from my virus!"
Hyjnx: My beauuuuuuutiful virus!!!!
Gryphon: *No* one is going to get that.
Hyjnx: They will if they ever watched X-Men on Saturday mornings...
Gryphon: Not everyone has your memory.
Hyjnx: Spamitall.
Claire: MERPH! Meph!
Gryphon: What's she saying?
Hyjnx: Either 'Matrix is whipped', or 'I can't breath.' shrugs
>"WE did," Finished Dot.
Hyjnx: Dot: Yeah. Mr. Guardian over there sat on his blue ASCII while Mouse and I did all the work
>"And thanks to careful planning, teamwork and a stroke of luck," Added Mouse slyly,
Gryphon: Mouse: We can all make it home in time t' catch X-Files.
Hyjnx: That was just odd. Rips duct tape off Claire's mouth He's driving me insane.
Claire: My lips have gone numb...
>"We've defeated you once again," Piped in Matrix in his low, gruff voice. "Admit it, Megabreath,"
Hyjnx: Blinking He just regressed to little Enzo-speak. The horror!
>"This time you're toast!" Shouted Enzo with glee.
Hyjnx: Enzo: Yeah! Forget about waffles!
Gryphon: Talkie Toaster: Anybody want any toast?
Claire: Thou shalt not invoke the second most annoying talking appliance on the planet!
Hyjnx: Second most?
Claire: Mike.
Hyjnx: Ah, yes. Silly me.
>Megabyte shook with anger. "I will delete you here!" He unsheathed his gleaming yellow claws. But >this seemed to have lost all its effect. Not even Enzo cringed.
Hyjnx: Face it, virus-boy. You're just not scary anymore.
>"You sincerely want to fight," Said Ray in his Austrailian accent,
Hyjnx: As opposed to the Cockney accent he used on the weekends.
Gryphon: He was just too lazy to write it...
>"With all of us?" Finished Matrix.
Claire:
Hyjnx: CLAIRE!
Claire: Sheepish> I forgot!
>Megabyte looked around him. The pack of Pac-Babies were waiting for the signal to strike.
Gryphon: When I count to three, eat that virus! One... two...
>>The Mainframers had drawn and targeted their weapons. Megabyte decided that an all-out combat would >be out of a question.
Hyjnx: He was feeling just a tad under the weather...
>>Beaten, Megabyte glared at his oppressors. "You may have won the battle, but >you will never win the war! I will be back! When I get my hands on you..."
Claire: Megabyte: And your little dog, too!
>"Tsk tsk," Said Bob, shaking his head. "You still rely on those old, outdated threats? 'When I get my >hands on you...' get updated, Megabyte..."
Gryphon: Megabyte: Get bent, Bob.
Hyjnx: Ouch.
>Megabyte gestured with his hand towards the sky. Instantly, another golden rectangle, like the one he >had arrived in, appeared in the sky and landed behind Megabyte. Megabyte smirked at the army.
Claire: Seven sprites and a dog count as an army?
Hyjnx: And the Pac-babies! Don't forget the Pac-babies!
> "Be seeing you," He said slyly as he jumped into the rectangle. Before anyone could react, the rectangle >shot into the sky and dissapeared at the sound of the system's voice intoned "E-mail sent", leaving the >group of sprites and Pac-Babies all alone in the alleyway.
Hyjnx & Gryphon: Enzos: Hey! That's *my* line!
> ********************
Hyjnx: Heh.
Gryphon: You're as bad as Claire.
Hyjnx: I am not.
Gryphon: Flame in the Darkness. I rest my case.
>It's time for a celebration, this time for real. Real fireworks, uncorrupted by any virus, exploded in the >sky, showering beautiful sparks on the skyscrapers.
Hyjnx: Are they really real?
>The Mainframers stood amongst the crowd gathered there in the open area of the Supercomputer, >celebrating.
Hyjnx: They're all getting drunk off their ASCIIs aren't they?
Gryphon: Probably.
> Matrix took another swig from his energy shake and gave a loud, rude burp. Dot glared at her younger-yet- >older brother. Matrix smiled sheepishly.
Claire:
Matrix:
Sorry, Dot. I can't help it. I'm still being written out of character.Claire: Enzo: And then he took me to-
Hyjnx: Just stop right there.
Claire: What?
Gryphon: Trust Claire to make something dirty out of even the most innocent of lines...
>"That's really nice, Enzo," said Dot warmly.
Hyjnx: Dot: Go play in traffic.
>AndrAIa put her arms around Matrix and gave him a big hug. "We always do seem to run into adventure >wherever we go, don't we, Sparky?"
Gryphon: Matrix, waggling eyebrows: You bet!
>"It's Matrix,"He replied warmly. "How many times must I-"
Gryphon: Matrix: Never mind. I give up. Just call me Henry.
>"Oh, guys, look!" Enzo yelled excitedly, pointing at the sky. The Mainframers looked up to see >special fireworks exploding into letters in the sky. Letter by letter the following message exploded in >the sky for all to see :
Claire: THE END
Hyjnx: WE WISH.
> THANK YOU, MAINFRAMERS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Gryphon: So, apparently, no time has passed at all? Even though we were told they were in that hole for minutes?
Hyjnx: Probably some stupid 'user time' gimmick or something.
Claire: That, or this fic just sucks raw null.
Hyjnx: That too.
>Dot smiled as she rested her head on Bob's chest. It was a beautiful sight.
Claire: It was blue and-
Hyjnx: User, forgive her. She knows not what she does...
>Enzo gazed up at the sky and gasped in awe. Matrix held AndrAIa tenderly in his arms. Presently, he >lowered his head and whispered silently in her ear, " Merry Christmas, AndrAIa." AndrAIa smiled and >hugged him tighter.
Hyjnx: Awww...that's so cute!
Gryphon: One of these days, I'm going figure out how you manage to be a raving lunatic and a closet romantic at the same time.
>"Same to you, she whispered back. A few paces away, Dot had murmured the exact same words in >Bob's ear.
Claire: I'm going to be ill...
> ********************
>Back in the Great Hall, all was quiet. The room was dark save for the light the silver portal bubble >gave out.
Hyjnx: The bodies of downed Guardians were strewn like ragdolls...
> The scene was still the same one at the beginning of the adventure. The sleigh was now fully laiden with >toys for al the good little girls and boys.
Claire: Then why is he showing us it again????
>A soft creak is heard as the door of the lodge cabin swings open. Out walks a man wearing a red and >white suit. He is round and chubby and is carrying a huge brown sack on his back. He tosses the sack >to the back of the sleigh and climbs in. He takes the reins in his hands and ushers his reindeer >forward. In the lead is a young reindeer with a shining red nose.
Claire: It's SANTA!!!! Finally! It took user knows how long, but he finally came! Santa!!!
Hyjnx: And that, kids, is what happens when you read bad fanfiction.
>Like magic, the sleigh rises into the air.The man in the sleigh lets loose a great "Ho, ho ho!" and the >reindeer take off. The scene changes slowly to show the sky above the lodge cabin. In the >background, the man shouts, "Go Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen! Go Comet, go Cupid, >go Donner and Blitzen! And go Rudolph! Shine that nose of yours brightly now!"
Hyjnx: Santa: Get us the hell away from this fic!
>As the sleigh flies across the moon, the man calls, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
>THE END
A loud cheer goes up from the three figures We're Free!!!!!Hyjnx: I don't know about you two, but after that, I think I could survive ANYTIHNG!
Gryphon: How about a nice fic by JoAnn, then?
Hyjnx: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Claire: Wow! Tens all the way!